Where is the hickey?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
