Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
