420 ftw
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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