Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize