i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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