You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My penis needs a shock collar
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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