My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize