i don't like sucking hair
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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