i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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