haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
