There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
