he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
