I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
