Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
