Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
