Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
