Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
