Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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