He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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