so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
