Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
