I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
