It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
