I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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