That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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