You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
