u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
