I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
