just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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