Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
