First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
