Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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