Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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