um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
