Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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