I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
