im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
