i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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