I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She bit a glass in half.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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