why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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