i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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