ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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