part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
