puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
