thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
