i don't like sucking hair
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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