I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize