Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
