so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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