my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
