He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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