I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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