I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
