CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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