I wish my penis had an off switch
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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