Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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