so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
