Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
