My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
