shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
