Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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