6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
