Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
