dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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