proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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